i occupy everything on my own
and think that it must be nice
to have a best friend because
it feels bad to walk to the bar alone
but with these nights of sobriety
come paranoia
and i don't lock my doors
alone naked in my bed,
in my house, and
it's never bothered me before
but now with these nightly dreams
of being held in places,
against my will, surrounded by explosives
i guess i fear an intruder,
abstractly
but i don't want to stop sleeping
because i know exactly
what i will do
when i awake
i will drive to the coffee shop
in the next town over
to avoid having to speak to anyone i know
which feels depressing and embarrassing
but not nearly as severe as when i
walk away from a conversation,
i guess
i deserve
not
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I went to a lesbian party the other day. I was promised it would be like The L Word. At the party, I tried to explain why I can't start conversations with people, or sometimes want to exit them through a zipper in the air, but all I could say was "it's the transitions...it's the transitions..."
ReplyDeleteGreat poem title.
Can I link to your blog after your name in the film credits?
This is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteas in wonder full.
ReplyDeleteagreed.
sometimes when i really like a poem
ReplyDeletei don't know what to say
so i just leave smiley faces and hearts
:)<3
This is how I feel. A lot.
ReplyDeleteYou can always yell up at my window when you're walking to the bar, if you want.
love you lots and always will.
ReplyDeletei think you know i could hang round you all day.
and lily too
I feel the conflicted emotion in this piece, Brittany. It makes me want to buy you drinks until you can't overthink, word-dance with you deep into the night, carry you home on angel wings and lay you down to sleep. I'd trace circles on your back with my manicured talons, and when I hear the steady breath of your sweet slumber I'd curl up in the corner and keep watch the whole night through. Then I'd make us coffee in the morning and you wouldn't have to say a word.
ReplyDeletehannah - an l word party oh man. agreed about the transitions. and about the film credits, that would be wonderful.
ReplyDeletedj - thank you
gamefaced - thank you
ana - thank you
lily - thank you, i will
sarah - love u mucho
jesus garcia - damn. can you come make me coffee now? i will buy some bagels for us.
Aye, I'm Cali-bound, B. But I'm happy to give you some virtual coffee and a group hug with Ms. Miet. Can't go wrong with that, I think.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for the group hugs.
ReplyDeleteboom pow
ReplyDeletemy favorite part:
i will drive to the coffee shop
in the next town over
to avoid having to speak to anyone i know
which feels depressing and embarrassing
but not nearly as severe as when i
walk away from a conversation
my word verification was "foreema"
maybe you could fall in love with the intruder? that may be too extreme. but what if he's just kidnapping you for political purposes and he has a moustache? might be ok at least until you meet somebody else.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, too, with regards to desiring a certain anonymity while seeking out a coffee shop. Thank you for writing this, I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteid walk to the bar with you anytime, even if i didnt want to go to the bar, just so you could go, cos i like to think of you as my best friend here. and i'm always around if you ever need someone to feel weird with.
ReplyDeleteI'm like the person who wants to get coffee one town over in order to avoid talking to anyone. I wonder what is worse: being the person I am or being one who looks and looks for conversations.
ReplyDeletei feel you're not missing a whole lot at the bar. it's not as fun anymore, but if you're ever aching to go out and spend money trying to get drunk, i'd love to walk beside you-- a nice bike ride with some beers in a book bag sounds even better :)
ReplyDelete